i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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