so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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