well you can't waste a boner
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
A+ Viking dick
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
