I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
