Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize