Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
