chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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