the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
