How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
