Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
