got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
