Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
