I accidentally burped into my bong.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Panties = found
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
