Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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