He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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