this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize