My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
