someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
