Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm passing your future prison.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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