Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I stole a fireplace last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
