he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
