if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
