FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she peed on how many people?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
