He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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