She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
