garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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