I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
