my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
