no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
