Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize