One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize