it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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