I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
