Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
