Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
