If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
