SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
