Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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