tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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