oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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