I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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