I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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