I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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