The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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