Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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