This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
