He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We are all done wearing pants today
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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