I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
