ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i came on her dog
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
