end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
