I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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