I want to have your abortion
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
