You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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