this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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