if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize