ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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