We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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