Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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