I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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