marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
