She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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