my room smells like sperm. sweet.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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