just come out here and I will go home with you...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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