Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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