YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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