I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
where are my eyebrows?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
