i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
