If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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