Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
