Your mouth is God's brothel.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
