HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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