Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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